Thursday, January 2, 2014

Bipolar Disorder makes me look like a douche.

When I am manic I am rude and obnoxious. I can't help it. I laugh at people and am really irritable. It makes me look insensitive and rude. I remember sitting in church and a guy took some wine for communion and he coughed I laughed out loud. It was rude but I couldn't help it. I remember one other time I snapped at my roomate and she cried all day because of it. I am hard to live with when  I am manic.

When I am depressed I can appear rude and distant. I don't smile so people think I am mad at them. I don't say polite things like "thank you" and " please" so people are insulted. I don't feel like being polite. My expression is hard to look at. People get upset. I remember sitting in McDonald's and this guy just came up to me and started lecturing me about my unhappy expression.

Honestly I know I have an illness but it makes me angry that people get mad at me for being sick. I can't help my behavior. I am not doing it on purpose. People end up not liking me because of it. I feel bad about myself like maybe I could control it. Then I realise that it's an illness and you don't have to look happy when you are sick.